Van Nuys, CA: female members of the AIAG (Adult Industry Actors Guild), who are responsible for roughly 78% of the world's pornography, have decided to put their clothes on in order to pressure the production houses and distribution companies for higher pay. Kitty Westbrooke, a spokeswoman for the group said that they are looking to renegotiate their current contracts in order to get more in the back-end. "It's not like they just hand these jobs to anyone, we're professionalistic" Kitty added.
The lock-out is slated to last significantly longer than when the male performers went on strike in June, and they're expected to win multiple concessions.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Lonely Americans Lobby Congress for the Establishment of a National Do Call List
Washington, DC: Linda Manohan, a recently out-of-work accountant from Cooperstown, NY. joined with thousands of others yesterday to attempt to convince the U.S. government to institute a national Do Call List. The group of mostly lonely and socially maladjusted loners from wherever they all live never actually spoke with one another for reasons than can only be deemed obvious if you actually saw them.
"Well, we had heard about the success of the Do Not Call List and how it prevented unwanted phone calls to people who actually have lives. These people all know that when the phone rings it's most likely a friend or family member that shares the desire to communicate with the them" said Franc LaFour. Going on to say "I guess to them, having someone call from Bangalore to talk to them about carpet cleaning is not the highlight of their day." Franc also mentioned that, along with the tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of lonely citizens, he would desperately welcome the attention and human interaction. He spoke of more reasons to have the list but this reporter lost interest and decided to leave.
"Well, we had heard about the success of the Do Not Call List and how it prevented unwanted phone calls to people who actually have lives. These people all know that when the phone rings it's most likely a friend or family member that shares the desire to communicate with the them" said Franc LaFour. Going on to say "I guess to them, having someone call from Bangalore to talk to them about carpet cleaning is not the highlight of their day." Franc also mentioned that, along with the tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of lonely citizens, he would desperately welcome the attention and human interaction. He spoke of more reasons to have the list but this reporter lost interest and decided to leave.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Quantum Particle Physicist Disappointed to Find Dog Particle on Living Room Carpet.
CERN, Geneva: After over 27 months of searching for the elusive dog particle and successfully not finding anything, pet owner and full-time nuclear quantum and particle physicist Lars Bnorgren issued a statement Thursday. "I have had Quark, the toy Pomeranian I bought with my then Fiance for almost four years now. After a rough start of house-training the dog it appeared that we had been successful in our endeavors, having not detected any dog particles for well over two years now. But on Thursday morning, while walking to the kitchen to make coffee the sensors in my right foot alerted me to the possibility of previously undiscovered a semi-solid mass that, upon further investigation, appeared to have been generated by our pet's black hole." The disappointed physicist went on to say that Heisenberg's uncertainty principle could not effectively justify the particle having been created by any other animal in the universe. it was indeed Quark's particle. In a final statement, Lars exclaimed "bad Quark!"
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